/Romance/north_bedroom

Bedroom Eyes

Hailey North

Having myself a preference for humor (if not wine) on the dry side, a top level tax attorney who contemplates disasters with epithets such as ``fritos and frogs'' proved to be, for me, rather grating. Tax attorney Penelope Sue Fields is dating handsome, dull David Hinson, (a colleague), daydreaming about her imaginary lover Raoul, until this fantasy, who's served as her sensual crutch for years, is knocked off his pedestal willy nilly by a gorgeous man in an elevator.

Penelope has moved to New Orleans to start a new life for herself. Having become a superb tax lawyer though her heart really isn't in it (now there's a trick!) what she really wants to do is become a chef, having managed, despite her 4.0 average and earning her way through school, to become expert at making all sorts of fattening French sauces from the cook where her mother waited tables and hoped for something better for her daughter. The daughter, of course, has a waist small enough for a man's hands to span it, a figure otherwise lush enough for Playboy, and, I simply cannot help imagining, middle aged spread in her future.

Tony Olano, the man with the bedroom eyes, has gone undercover to find out what slimeball David Hinson and his latest girlfriend are up to; despite her prissy appearance, and the fact that she apparently gets her kicks shoplifting at the fictional equivalent of a Pottery Barn, he thinks she's gorgeous. Inept candle magician Mrs. Merlin, attempting to solve a neighbor's $625 tax problem, instead finds herself six and a quarter inches tall, and falls upon Penelope (being a tax lawyer) to rescue her from the basket of napkin rings where she finds herself ensconced, and thence proceeds to turn Penelope's life upside down.

The book suffers from the James Bond syndrome---Penelope is a brilliant tax lawyer, a superb cook, and daydreams a la Walter Mitty, at the drop of a hat. Walter, you will remember, is a failure at real life, as Penelope is not, excepting her love life, and this variance was difficult for me to reconcile. For someone accused of being intellectually egotistical she sure focuses on the complements regarding her physical appearance---except when she's being set up to be knocked down for the ego, she comes across as rather uncertain---which frankly is the only hope the author has of keeping the character from realizing just how beautiful she is.

It never quite washed with me that if she really wanted men with bedroom eyes, that, attractive as she's described none of them noticed or tried to get to know her until Tony comes along. That aspect of the story would have made perfect sense if she really were dumpy and plain, but then the author would have had her work cut out for her, getting Tony-O to notice. The other option, for Penelope's ice cold demeanor to turn everyone off, is hamstrung by the daydreaming, besides which she's isn't believably ice cold. Either way, story would have made a lot more sense, but the few hints in the latter direction aren't enough. Tony's effort to protect her with a rather nasty deception towards the end of the book also struck me as out of character, not to mention unpleasant. There were other, more honorable ways he could've achieved the same goal.

However, the book has a great deal going for it otherwise---the New Orleans background smacks of those authentic details that bespeak familiarity with the city, and there is enough knowledge of tax law and police procedure for those parts to come off believably enough for someone not expert (myself). And the out of character ``bedknobs and broomsticks'' type exclamations more or less take a hike by the second half of the book (really, they ought've come out of Mrs. Merlin's mouth, for they suited her amiable and often incompetent character perfectly).

In fact, there is a good deal of humorous byplay, much of it coming from the secondary characters such as Mrs. Merlin, her erstwhile (and unwilling) mentor Mr. (Alistair) Gotho, Tony's vast and extended family, and Penelope's acerbic secretary, (``Are you Mr. `Can't Do Dinner'?'') who doesn't get nearly enough time. Even the spells, though silly, have a sort of logic to them, as if the author put some thought into them. An amusing romp, two and a half stars.

Sylvus Tarn

Last modified: Sun Jul 15 13:10:20 EDT 2001

Sylvus Tarn